I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We are two peas in an std pod
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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