I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She's the barista slut.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
