Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
