i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
