She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
