I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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