I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
