I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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