god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
