Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
