4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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