Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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