Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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