On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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