When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The power of my boobs compel you
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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