I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
