Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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