I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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