Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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