guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
