i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
