He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
