Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize