I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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