You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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