At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
