Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize