this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
