I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
