It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
