Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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