Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
