was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize