You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
