i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
