Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
