My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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