It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
