i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I don't deserve a penis
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize