the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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