3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
