WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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