i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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