There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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