In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
