pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
