someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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