hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
