I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He did a backflip because drugs
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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