Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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