u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
