My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
