Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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