Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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