Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
