So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Sext me about skeletons
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
