smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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