put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
