So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
