Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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