you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
