when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
