Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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