we have officially lost it.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
