sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
