Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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