Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
