I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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