Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
