Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
