I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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